How to Become a Petty Bourgeoisie ‘Intellectual’?

By Zafar Imam

Now a days there is a growing trend seen in the middle class ‘educated’ people to become ‘intellectuals’. Though, to be an intellectual is not an odd thing, yet there is a fun side of being a middle class intellectual. Most of the time you will see them engaged in a ‘serious discussion’, talking hours aimlessly, but nothing will come out of their discussions. They will flock over the places where tea or coffee is available (Oh, did I forget drinks?), they’ll take it sip by sip, and will try to ‘impress’ the other with their knowledge (which is actually information) of the things, and this whole thing may take hours sometimes. If you value your time, we recommend you keep a distance from them. Being a middle class, that is petty bourgeoisie intellectual is a phenomenon in itself. Now, after reading this passage, if you too feel like you should be a petty bourgeoisie intellectual, read below the ‘How Tos’ of that phenomenon. If you don’t want to, hit the back button and navigate away and please forgive me.

Things you’ll need

  • A library of some books to show the others that you are bookish
  • A pair of spectacles to show off that you have read a lot – if you are above forty, otherwise leave it.
  • A circle of the friends, who can propagate in the town that you are very much bookish and know too much about the world and the things around

How Tos

1 –  Maintain a cool calm and sober face before the general pubic, you should seem to be well-read and bookish personality, found rarely on the planet.

2 Hunt a tea or coffee shop in your neighbor, where people free of work spend their most of the time.

3 Start spreading your wisdom by offering somebody a tea or coffee as he/she can sit some moments with you. Remember to catch somebody innocent and not well informed.

4 After spending some good months with this practice, now hunt your likes in city clubs, look for a higher ‘category’ ‘intellectuals’ and engage with them in useless discussions.

5 The topics of your discussions should be those which are most controversial and which are distorted enough by the times. This will give you an advantage – nobody can defeat you in discussion. Because, discussions on such topics are often inconclusive. For example: What if the bananas had red color? What is the root of the word ‘root’? What year Shakespeare was born, where and why?

6 Try to use more clichés then authentic facts.

7 Do remember a list of names of great writers, philosophers, scientists and historians. Also do remember a little list of the names of the books, for which you can boast that you have read them all.

8 Do remember some difficult words and jargons. They will help you overcome anybody challenging your ‘intellectual’ authority.

This way you will become a medium size ‘petty bourgeoisie’ intellectual. For a greater size intellectual’s How Tos, please wait.

5 Responses

  1. My my…I can tell you have developed your analysis from much personal experience!

  2. And for sure please send me site updates…got to make sure my petty (or is it “petit”?…opps there I go again!) bourgeois credentials are up to date.

  3. I need to share my experience with all characteristics defined “how to become petty Bourgeoisie Intellectual”. I joined one of the left wing party and within three months found the same in majority of cadre surrounding party But ofcourse there are still elements who are sincere too. What happen with them, either they keep silent or they walk out silently. I was one of them walked out silently.

    Anyways it is marvellous written and true and i suggest it must be printed in publicatiosn of every left wing party in Pakistan.

  4. John Sherkey, Dear! My personal experience is rich in this regard. I have been watching such ‘intellectuals’ from my childhood, they have proved to be useless for the society and their own class even.
    You can subscribe to my blog to get regular updates, navigate down to the ‘Post Comment’ button where you post comments. below it is ‘Notify me of site updates’ radio button. please click and check it before sending comment. you will be subscribed. thanks

  5. Dear Atif Masood! you are right. now a days there is growing trend in left wing parties to become petit bourgeoisie intellectuals. I too have been seeing this from my childhood. they should read this post. recommend them.

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