How to become an Anna Hazare?

By Zafar Imam

Hindutva being revived?

Anna Hazare has become the best example of  where the ‘revolutionary dreams and ideas’ of Indian petite bourgeoisie are concentrated today. This man – Anna Hazare – has been idolized as a saviour of the nation, who, with his magical anti-corruption doctrine and the ‘Lokpal Bill‘ , will save the deteriorating Indian society and drive it towards the prosperity! This thought has been hammered on the minds of the poor Indian workers and peasants the day in and the day out, that if only corruption is extinguished from the society, all our troubles ‘d vanish.
Indian media, civil society, NGOs and ‘Bharat Mata’ fanatics tried to make another Gandhi out of this poor man. No doubt Mr. Anna too tried hard himself to symbolize Gandhi ji. Thus he went on fasting.
Anna has become an iconic figure for middle class NGOtic ladies and gentlemen, media men, revivalists of Hindutva philosophy, Bollywood celebrities and many a frustrated lot.Many people in India and neighboring countries now want to be like this their new revivalist middle class hero. Thus, here are we presenting the ‘How Tos’ of becoming an Anna Hazare.

Things you’ll need

The first and foremost requirement to become an Anna is ‘dhoti/lungi’ if you live in India. In case you live in any other country, recall your memory of  any right wing revivalist and copy his/her dressing. A Pajama will suffice in Pakistan. You’ll need certain type of historical documents or a bill, which has long been forgotten because it was obsolete.

How Tos

1. Pick up any demand for which you are certain that it can’t be met because the system will collapse if it is met. for example ‘corruption’ in Anna’s case.

2. Maintain good contacts with media persons, NGOs and revivalists, evangelists and fanatics. They are necessary ingredient to make an Anna out of you.

3. Choose any public place to start your activity.

4. Never go too far against the system, restrict yourself to the chosen demand (as told in step 1).

5. Exercise ‘fasting’ trick in the first place. There are many variants of this trick. In Pakistan they observe periodic hunger strikes in order to volume up the pressure over Government. Another good variant is self-harm with piercing some object into the body. Pakistanis and Indians have perfected the art of this trick, I think. They normally proclaim to burn themselves alive before press clubs and public places to get attention of media and government.

6. Never go far enough in this self-harm game. Quit before you die. Look at Anna – your hero. He did it for 13 days, so follow him. After all, if you die how can you see that you are famous or not? and then what about your ‘revolution’, huh?
So be wise, OK?

7. I hope you have not died in the step 6 above, so I am writing step 7. Get yourself to hospital after you ‘did it’. Check newspapers and T.V channels and ask friends if you are famous or not! if you are, Hurray! You are an Anna Hazare now. Congratulations! Your revolution is complete, now please go home after you are discharged from hospital. Thank you Shree Anna Hazare 🙂

8. This step is for those who have failed in step 7. If you have become an ass-whole instead of Anna, check to see if you have missed something? Repeat from step 1 to 7.  Do it again with some new issue and demand, this time carefully.

11 Responses

  1. Hahaha ; nice xaphor gr8 insight .. a bloody joke whre evrynite more dan 400 million men & women sleepiong wd empty belly ..

    • Yes Xulfi, and these revivalists, limited to Delhi, think that it is all the India needs. It is an insult upon injury.

  2. Good analysis.There is no shortage of people in India who share the same view about the corruption Darama which was enacted recently here by so called second Gandhi and was backed by TRP hungry media, big corporates, killers of Gandhi and well fed middle class.

    • Yes dear Bakshi, and you too seem to be sharing the same point of view on this matter with me. thanks

  3. nice refreshment

  4. very nice article

  5. modellings…

    Grand poteau ! Merci pour prendre le temps décrire quelque chose qui est réellement en valeur la lecture. Trop souvent je trouve linformation inutile et pas quelque chose qui sont réellement appropriées. Merci pour votre dur labeur….

    • Merci à vous chers. J’aime être encouragés de cette façon. garder de venir ici ou vous abonner.

    • Merci à vous chers. J’aime être encouragés de cette façon. garder de venir ici ou vous abonner.

  6. […] How to become an Anna Hazare? ( […]

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