How to recruit a donkey for revolution!

 Zafar Imam

Donkeys can prove magnificent, hardworking comrades. In fact, they have been your comrades throughout history, but you have never realized it. You opportunist Humans!

In the revolutionary party of the banana republic, most of the members are donkeys. Comrade Reddish in his book “Donkeys’ Other Side” has written that, “in the last movement of the banana republic, had there been a party comprising of enough donkeys, there would have been a revolution in the banana republic!” From this, we can understand how significant the donkeys are for a crafted revolution in the banana republic.

Why do donkeys make so important comrades? Because they never question what you tell them and ask them to do. They accept it as it is. They never bother about different ideological and dialectical questions. They have almost no brain! Now see, such a work force in your ranks and files is of great importance, which performs as you please. In times your crafted revolution is about to get storm in the banana republic, they don’t discuss anything. That is to say, they don’t make ‘discussion clubs’. They will simply go and ‘do’ the revolution. In times when there is a crisis in your banana revolutionary party, they give the message of ‘unity’ to the world, even if they are not united.  They can bear heavy burden on them, dragging it for years without bothering to see what is kept on their backs. If any banana revolutionary party is serious to bring a well-crafted revolution in banana republic, it must start to recruit donkeys as comrades from now. In fact, a party is already doing so; all you need to do is follow its example.

Once a donkey is recruited for revolution, it can behave very comradely with you. It can even celebrate with you on occasions. It can also give you a good company over glasses. Donkeys follow what you tell them. In fact, they are great in maintaining party discipline, because they rarely break this yoke. However, it must be noted that the must trustworthy are those, whom you feed. Once you have recruited good quantity of donkeys, select special ones from them and start to feed them gross. They will only work and think of you. You have gained the force you can rely upon! You must continue to feed grass to them, and make them dependent on you. Such donkeys are very less political and much more procedural. Because they are dependant upon you, as you feed them grass, you can make them do whatever you please. Possibilities are immense. They can prove good clerks; you can use them for inline spying within your banana party, they are just your best underdogs.

In the 1st and 2nd decade of 21st century, a bunch of donkeys dared ask some political and ideological questions from their leadership in a banana revolutionary party. They were kicked in the ass and thrown out from party. Why? Because donkeys are not supposed to think or ask questions. They are supposed to only work as per orders.

A Donkey In Distree While Being Recruite As A Comrade

A banan party recruiting a donkey for revolution

Donkeys, though, are supposed to read and write, but only that which the banana party asks them to. For example, to cite an instance, donkeys are great readers of the banana publications – the official publication of the banana party. Banana party every year publishes lots of booklets, which are actually randomly selected quotes, absurd paragraphs, facts and figures cut and pasted from mainstream print media. Donkeys read such literature very well. But, remember! Only such literature!

In his book ‘The Dialectics of Donkeys’, comrade Reddish writes that ‘for donkeys, the ideology is not as important as the faith, the unshakable faith in crafted revolution is important. All my donkey comrades will believe firmly in crafted revolution more than ideological things.’

After we have  spent enough time reading the importance of donkeys in revolution, let’s discuss how to recruit and keep them for a long time with you actually:

 How Tos

  1. Hunt for some baby jacks and baby jennys – that is young donkeys (colts). These colts are inexperienced, and they never know the politics of the banana republic at length. They are the best hunt for your banana revolutionary party.
  2. From the very beginning, constantly repeat before these colts that they need not to take painful efforts of using their brains. The party is the only brain that will think on behalf of them. They need to listen to and repeat only what they are told.
  3. If any of the young donkeys – now recruited for revolution, and thus became the comrades – dares use its brain, warning! Alarm! This is the time to wake up and take notice. There are some things you can immediately do to save a donkey from using its brain. (a) Discourage the donkey for using its brain by blaming her for a ‘petty bourgeois’ donkey. (b) Tell her that the party is not a ‘discussion club’. (c) Tell her that the crafted-revolution does not need intellectuals, the power of brain, but only faith. Faith in the crafted revolution is the integral part of their commitment.
  4. From the very beginning, associate all the activities of reading, writing, speaking and creative work with the ‘evil of intellectualism’. After all, you don’t need it. There is no need of intellect in a party comprising mostly of donkey revolutionaries.
  5. Concentrate all power of the party in a few hands. If any donkey, or a group of them, dares put aside their yoke, kick them in the ass and create an environment of paranoia in the party that ‘our donkey party is under attack’.
  6. Always blame some intelligence agencies of world, like CIA, ISI, Mossad etc for such ‘attack’ on your party. The benefit of the blame on such agencies is: No body will ever be able to investigate against these agencies that your claim was true or not? Isn’t it smart? Well, that’s what a party in the banana republic has been doing through out the years 🙂
  7. It is necessary for the banana party to always keep the environment of paranoia charged. The Hysteria and Paranoia that every one is conspiring against you, keeps the donkeys united. This psychology of security will always give you advantage of keeping the donkeys at your disposal.
  8. Always keep feeding grass to some of your most loyal donkeys. They will work full time for you. As they are dependant on you for their living, they will rarely dare question you.
  9. Insist more on emotions rather than logic and knowledge. After all, donkeys rarely understand such things like logic, knowledge, science etc. Teach them how to hate others, teach them how to ‘believe’ in crafted-revolution, teach them how to take revenge, inject the venom of hatred and jealousy in them against all other creatures of the world.
  10. It is necessary for you to create a sense of superiority in the donkeys, too. Superiority complex that they are the special ones, that they are the selected ones. That all the historical truths, sciences and knowledge are on their knees before them. That they need not to study anything other that the banana publications. Teach them how to smile sarcastically at others, while feeling in their minds that how fool others are!

If above methods are practiced, you can recruit and hold donkeys for a long time with you. These are the tested methods in the banana republic. For further study, refer to banana publications.

And Remember! Always end your talk with the much trumpeted phrase: We Will Fight and We Will Win – even if there is no possibility to win in the near or distant future. Good luck 🙂

4 Responses

  1. And the crafted revolutionaries get such donkeys easily (and en gross) in every country, may it be banana, India, or Pakistan!

    • Thank you Ganesh for your comment. off course, these countries are already banana republics. 🙂

  2. Indeed a very good satire (close to reality also in the inner circles of Crafted revolutionary organizations)..But ended at an ambiguous note…What the those donkeys will do who are got kicked:)

  3. yes it is very close to reality comrade Zafar….. i know that a party also exist in Pakistan….. their struggle is also making so many donkeys since 30 yrers

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