People are consumed by jobs and cell phones and women and…

I am consumed by what I have always wished and cherished and yearned for ->> Money, women, well paid job and modern gadgets. Technology. There have been times I have had plenty of  them. Sometimes beyond my expectations. There have been times I have had average doze of them and sometimes in the past very scarce of them.
I am seriously being consumed by them now. I can see myself eaten out by this job. A well paid, disciplined, authoritative job can make you impotent. So I am watching myself becoming creatively impotent. I can watch it happen with my own damn eyes and there is nothing i can do about it. It is poisoning my creativity. Creativity – the only thing I can exist for. I mean it. And if I am without it, I prefer not to exist. How can I allow myself be consumed by women and money and my this new devil – android smartphone and this job?
The days taste bitter now. Autumn is approaching with its meditative silence. Any sound now makes this silence more deep. There is a feeling of hollowness in my heart. Like an empty shell, which never was filled. Have I been empty or am I not satisfied with how much I have of it? not sure.
But one thing I can say with certainty: People are consumed by govt jobs and cell phones and women and sometimes that dirty thing – social networking. Being unsocial is necessary at times. There must be times when you should be a rude, egoist, unsocial and unfriendly person, so that you can spare yourself from the  world for your own sake. That is why, I suppose now, most of the great artists have been rude, egoist and unfriendly all along.
For me, my humbleness, politeness and socialization has brought misery. an existential misery. a  hack I can not live with simply. At least now I know why I have been rude in my formation years.

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