Archive for the ‘How Tos’ Category

How to quickly get laid on Valentines day in Pakistan?
April 14, 2016

Happy Valentine's Day Pakistan.

Happy Valentines Day Pakistan.

Disclaimer: This post contains slang; please do not read if you are offended. People with too much Haya, Sharam, Ghairat and pious character may also not read it. Reader discretion advised. This guide is intended only for men. Do women still exist in Pakistan, by the way? (more…)

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How to become a Tahir Ul Qadri Prototype
January 2, 2013

Zafar Imam

Well, if you have caught on the recent ‘revolutionary’ storm which is uprooting Pakistan, and if you are a ‘Ghaiyratmand, bellyful, patriotic AlBakistani‘ you sure would like to become a Tahirul Qadri prototype. The bubblytude Mullah,  who is suffering from puppy fart syndrome,  came running from Canada with Radar Ass active. He was delivering a high voltage speech in Karachi that day. The crowd was sheep-locked in the ground, giving a notion of a Nerdist colony. (more…)

How to recruit a donkey for revolution!
January 28, 2012

 Zafar Imam

Donkeys can prove magnificent, hardworking comrades. In fact, they have been your comrades throughout history, but you have never realized it. You opportunist Humans!

In the revolutionary party of the banana republic, most of the members are donkeys. Comrade Reddish in his book “Donkeys’ Other Side” has written that, “in the last movement of the banana republic, had there been a party comprising of enough donkeys, there would have been a revolution in the banana republic!” From this, we can understand how significant the donkeys are for a crafted revolution in the banana republic. (more…)

How to become an Anna Hazare?
September 6, 2011

By Zafar Imam

Hindutva being revived?

Anna Hazare has become the best example of  where the ‘revolutionary dreams and ideas’ of Indian petite bourgeoisie are concentrated today. This man – Anna Hazare – has been idolized as a saviour of the nation, who, with his magical anti-corruption doctrine and the ‘Lokpal Bill‘ , will save the deteriorating Indian society and drive it towards the prosperity! This thought has been hammered on the minds of the poor Indian workers and peasants the day in and the day out, that if only corruption is extinguished from the society, all our troubles ‘d vanish. (more…)

How to carry on relief work in ‘calamity-hit’ areas
September 2, 2011

Zafar Imam

Recent rains played havoc in Sindh

A recent monsoon rain cycle has devastated the whole province of Sindh, Pakistan. Millions of acres of crop is ruined, thousands of villages submerged into the rain water. Government of Sindh appears to be putting ‘extra efforts’ in the relief work in rain affected areas. (more…)

How to Make a Banana Republic
May 2, 2011

 By Zafar Imam

Banana Republics have mushroomed in our times. Let it be the East or the West; let it be a ‘democratic’ rule or an autocratic one, they are found every where developing with rapid speed. Even those states of past which were considered ‘welfare states’ are now rolling back their character and are fast lining up in queue for becoming banana republics. But most of these banana Republics exist in third world, chiefly the ex-colonial countries. Thus, it poses a great question before us that how a banana republic is made. Off Course, this question requires our fair attention. To make a banana republic, you surely don’t need any bananas. That’s why we are here presenting ‘How Tos’ of a banana republic. (more…)

Revolution In Tea Cup – How to Become a Petty Bourgeoisie ‘Intellectual’? _ II
April 19, 2011

By Zafar Imam

Revolution in Tea Cup

These days, tea cups and glasses of petty bourgeoisie intellectuals in city cafes and drawing rooms are storming with ‘revolutions’. They are full to the brim with ‘revolutionary ideas’ and ‘movements’. Though most of these ‘movements’ remain inside the drawing rooms or their favorite corners in cafes, yet they happen to be ‘influential’ because of the propaganda of right wing media. Revolution is the most common word you’ll often listen in right wing mainstream media and in petty bourgeoisie intellectual circles.

In previous article we had explained ‘How Tos’ of being a medium size petty bourgeoisie ‘intellectual’. In this article we’ll explain ‘How Tos’ of being a full blown petty bourgeoisie intellectual, who is so ‘dangerous’ that he/she can bring a ‘revolution’ in a discussion over a tea cup. (more…)

How to Become a Petty Bourgeoisie ‘Intellectual’?
April 13, 2011

By Zafar Imam

Now a days there is a growing trend seen in the middle class ‘educated’ people to become ‘intellectuals’. Though, to be an intellectual is not an odd thing, yet there is a fun side of being a middle class intellectual. Most of the time you will see them engaged in a ‘serious discussion’, talking hours aimlessly, but nothing will come out of their discussions. They will flock over the places where tea or coffee is available (Oh, did I forget drinks?), they’ll take it sip by sip, and will try to ‘impress’ the other with their knowledge (which is actually information) of the things, and this whole thing may take hours sometimes. If you value your time, we recommend you keep a distance from them. Being a middle class, that is petty bourgeoisie intellectual is a phenomenon in itself. Now, after reading this passage, if you too feel like you should be a petty bourgeoisie intellectual, read below the ‘How Tos’ of that phenomenon. If you don’t want to, hit the back button and navigate away and please forgive me. (more…)